We all suffer from stress and deal with it in different ways. From exercises like running to more calm things like yoga. Some turn to meditation or reading, and probably a most common escape is having a drink to take the edge off. I don’t judge any of these as I have tried them all. But I must say I find exercise and reading the most helpful for me.
For Vicky, in her search for a distraction.
I was talking with a lady I know through my place of work, and she has started using my blog writing as an escape when she feels stressed at work, to switch off for a few minutes from whom ever or what ever is bothering her. And I’m most flattered by that, as one of the reasons I started to write was to hopefully offer people an escape, and also some reassurance that we all struggle with something and maybe my ramblings can assist people to let them know they are not alone. So while this has been roaming through my thoughts for a few days, it got me to thinking – what could I write about to possibly cater for more people who may need a quick break from a shitty day?
I know for me, I like to get my mind completely off the topic of the day, and I have, on many occasions, resorted to children’s stories. And yes it is exactly what it sounds like, stories like THE FAMOUS FIVE, by Enid Blyton, THE HARDY BOYS, by Franklin W Dixon. Something that isn’t quite a grown ups reality, that gets your imagination working. But what could I write about to hopefully entertain people, if only for a few minutes?
I like to think my sense of humour is quite likeable and appeals to many people. And of late the only things people may find funny is my struggle with going to the toilet. This is something that we can all relate to, and what makes it, for lack of a better word, APPEALING, is that we mostly all feel embarrassed by one of the most natural things in the world, having to go for a wee or a poo. For me of late, I have had to over come balance issues while weeing as my leg was in a cast. Even sitting on the loo, for a number two, was uncomfortable as I couldn’t bend my leg in a comfortable way to completely, what is the correct term to use – relax my bowels. Plus all the medication I have been on and continue to use creates havoc with the tummy. I find myself being plugged tighter than a Champaign bottle.
But besides toilet humour, what would people possibly want to read about that could bring a bit of relief to a stressful day? Does it have to be funny? There is a saying that laughter is the best medicine. But what some find funny, is not necessarily humour to others. Especially with how people are getting offended these days. One thing I have noticed, is that as a kid we were always telling and hearing jokes. Is it a sign of the times, that life has become so serious that we hardly hear any new jokes. The kids may come home with a silly joke that is going around the play ground, but when was the last time you heard a joke that had you laughing from the bottom of your tummy, creating a stitch and tears that streamed down your face? I cant really think of one from any time recently. And it seems in my experience the only time people seem to laugh these days, is at something that they can relate to, like toilet humour. And lets face it, something like a sneeze in the kitchen is no way near as funny as trying to gently stifle, just gently ease out a fart in an echoing public toilet.
You know what I mean! That bastard you have been holding in for the last half an hour while having lunch with the in-laws. The amount of concentration and muscle control it takes to work that demon out of your ass, so that the people in the room with you and the cubicles next to you wont hear it, is unapparelled. Its like the control you see from a cat, balancing on a narrow wall, stealthily stalking its prey, no unnecessary movement, ears pricked and face deadly serious. But when you loose control of that force with in and promptly slam that back door when it all comes rocketing out, you some how find yourself silencing your guilty laughter and trying again. That sort of squeeze and release, squeeze and release of the unruly hell that is plaguing your lower abdomen. That has had me laughing a number of times in my life. But I found as I have aged, I just don’t care any more, and I let go with a tremendous satisfaction, not caring who hears it.
I think farting has also been a good ice breaker in relationships. There is no better feeling than letting one of those suckers go, while out on a date, to see how a potential girlfriend reacts, and if, infact, your life is going to become significantly easier. There is nothing worse than getting tummy cramps from gas build up and trying to not look uncomfortable while on a date, be it the first or the fifth, but especially a date that is nearing completion, and the potential for a good night kiss is on the cards. You don’t want to be all uncomfortable and hurrying, just so that you can get back to the sanctuary of your car to be able to release the monster that is growing within.
The look on your face would be one of serious confusion, mixed with panic and self doubt, while trying to express an heir of masculine self-confidence. Trying to push your chest out in a alpha male kind of way, while clinching your bum closed, kind of like trying to hold a carrot in your butt cheeks. Its just so unnerving. Kind of like the look your dog gives you when its squeezing out a poo while making eye contact with you. You almost feel your body doing that same arched squeezing stance, but instead of letting it all out, you are trying to keep it in. All that while hoping for a kiss.
So break the ice as early as possible. That’s my opinion, and let one fly. If she laughs and slaps you on the shoulder, or has a good giggle, I would say your all good to just let them come as they need to. And if she even lets one rip that puts you to shame, MARRY HER! If she ignores it, like nothing happened, casually staring into the distance, creating a deathly awkward silence, you may need to address either your etiquette, or your potential choice of mate. I personally cant see myself with somebody who doesn’t laugh at a fart. Its natures form comic relief. But be careful, she maybe shy at first, so it maybe a case that you need to test the waters slowly.
At the end of the day, we are all human, and we need to be able to laugh, and if not with others, at the very least, at ourselves. And hopefully my writing has done just that, brought a smile and even a giggle to somebody needing a bit of distraction from work or life, even just for a few minutes. None of us are perfect, and life can be challenging, but we are not alone in our struggles, even if for the time being, they are as meaningless and untasteful as having gas while on a date. But remember, like gas, this will come to pass. Once again if you are unhappy or offended please see my disclaimer on my home page. Much love to you all, in our trying and strange times.